Is there a certain weight i can use to strengthen and lengthen my penis?

I've been doing mad kegels but i cant seem to lift a five pound weight which has been my dream since I was a kid. then I got ambitious when i heard that song cock push ups... I tried it and that ******* hurt! *warning to the world* do not ever take that song seriously.. it ***** with your manhood in too many wrong ways. As far as lengthening.. I've tried everything. pulling it, then tying it to **** and pulling away super hard, stupid supplements, kegels... then for awhile i just tied a string from my manhood to my ankle but that just irritated the **** out of it and made me raw for weeks... ill never try that again.. Please someone help me I'm in dire need.